Stepping Out On Faith

Walking By Faith And Not By Sight

Published by The Duchesne

To walk by faith and not by sight

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In my reasonings of late; I have discovered that in this regard I am lacking. See, I am a planner. Whatever I do, there must be a plan from start to finish with contingencies. This can be so frustrating therefore I am considering adjusting my thinking.

Somewhere I once read that 'planning is what boring people do'. I am minded to agree to some extent. 

I want to start viewing my life not in days, weeks, or time etc. 

Instead I want to start looking at my life in 'moments and memories' so that I can have reflections where I smile and think 'I had the time of my life'. How many of us can truly attest to having a lot of those or living our life in a way that ensures we have those moments?

To reach such a level requires 'faith', 'risk' and 'minimal planning'. This is why the kind of people that get the most out of life are not planners. They just take chances, step out on faith.

Can I become one of these people?

It will be hard because you are looking at a lifetime planner. But that's where I'm at right now in my life; I'm looking to start doing more and planning less.

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My Christmas Present - A Boob Job.

Am I Really Going To Go Through With It?
Published by The Duchesne

Every so often I get the urge to enlarge my breasts. It's something I have contemplated on for a while and may treat myself to for Christmas.
I don't want to go crazy big or any such thing. Instead I would like a Kelly Rowland look.

Nice and neat

But man am I scared after reading up the 'what can go wrong'.

The stats. on these are somewhat frightening. 1 in 10 chance of having a rupture, leakage, dent, infection and so much other gross stuff that is making me seriously reconsider.
Then there is after care. I will have to follow up on the treatments and 'renew' my breasts every 10-15 years. It just seems like so much hassle and for what?
Not sure if I'm going to go through with this but I'll keep you all posted, i.e. if you care, lol.

In the meantime, would love to hear what you think and from anyone who has gone through with the augmentation.



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Inspiration Friday ' IF '

Published by The Duchesne

IF

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

IF you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too;

IF you can wait but not be tired of waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

IF you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

IF you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

IF you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

IF you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

IF you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch- and- toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

IF you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

IF you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

'Or walk with Kings- nor lose the common touch,

IF neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

IF all men count with you, but none too much;

IF you can fill the unforgiving minute

With 60 seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And- Which is more- You'll be a man, my son.

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Snoop Dogg Set To Open British Pub In L.A. What? Why?

Because His Favourite TV Programme Is British Soap Coronation Street
Published by The Duchesne

If reports are to be believed, L.A will soon have its very own 'Rovers Return'.

Rovers Return is the name of the famous pub in Coronation Street, a leading night time television soap made in England.

Snoop is said to be desperately trying to appear on the show and bring some British flavour to the USA.

He was quoted in the British newspaper The Mirror as follows:

"Coronation Street is where it's at. I've sent messages to the cast, they know I'm a fan.  I have watched Coronation Street for years and I am in talks to do a cameo on the show; but until then a little bit of Corrie (Coronation Street) can come to me.

People are mad for themed pubs over here so I am doing this properly. Nothing will stop me serving Betty's ( (Betty is a character in the soap) hotpot in my pub man. If it didn't serve hot pot, it wouldn't be a proper Rover's Return."

Can you see it? Snoop running a pub?

Insert break-

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Er......

....smoking isn't allowed in pubs (in England or L.A), and that gangster stare will definitely send potential customers right back out the door. I know if I walked in and got that look, I'd head right back out.

Here's a tip Snoop, smiles and food.

This is more like it. Perfect British pub atmosphere.

Anyhow, he'll only be financing the project right? With the occasional popping in. It's not like he'll be fronting the thing, or serving there. 

On second thought, he just might. Great PR concept. I can see the barrage of people and drinks flying off the shelves, literally. They'd run out! Literally.

What? I'm not saying there'd be fights, shootings and all that. No way. Black people can behave, especially after a few drinks. 

And who says the patrons will only be Black?  All races drink. When I said drinks flying off the shelves, I don't mean people using them as weapons. Neither when I say they'd run out, do I mean people running out the door to escape the violence.

Is that what you thought?

Shame on you. Whatever would make you think that? My using 'literally' twice in close succession?
Oh, that's just me exerting style!

I think it's a great idea. Go Snoop!  One can never have enough 'enterprises'.

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Are Men Threatened By A Successful Woman?

Or Just Plain Ashamed?  It's A Big Conversation 
Published by The Duchesne

A survey done by Cosmo magazine earlier this year produced some not so unusual findings. Of 1500 men questioned, 1 in 3 would much prefer to have the wife at home rather than out and working. This means over 66% of men unless they're mega earners, like the idea of a double income in the household.
There is a condition attached to that though; men prefer to be the higher earner.

It seems men can never put their egos aside for a minute, and if they do, then rest assured it'll only be for a minute. A lot of talk is happening in the Black community regarding successful, beautiful black women not being able to find a suitable mate. The reason stated is:

" Men are intimated by a successful Black woman."

But how true is this? And is this a problem for only the Black community?

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Sistas are doing it for themselves

Yes, women have taken the female revolution and ran with it like there is no tomorrow. Ever since women were allowed to earn for themselves, the goal was set. And that goal was to become what women call 'independent'. It has been achieved, men can't handle it, it's that simple.

It's not just the Black community. A lot of Caucasian relationships struggle or end due to jealousy of career on the husband's part. If we take a look at Hollywood, there are many Caucasian break ups that have been linked to the man not being able to handle how successful the woman's career is going.
Forget the race thing. This is a man thing.

Women are never jealous of their man's career. In fact, women will sacrifice theirs for their man. Why does the man have to be jealous of hers?
Men instinctively have a need to be the breadwinner or the main provider. They relish and want to be needed by their mate. The thought of knowing that their partner can 'dispose' of them at any time makes it very difficult for men to be comfortable with the idea of his woman earning higher.

High earning women are more likely to end up divorced says research

A 25 year study in America looking at the marriages and income of more than 2500 women showed women who made more than their men had a divorce rate 38% higher than others. The main reasons given were:

• Financially independent women can leave a relationship easier
•  Dented egos on both parts (man feels less of a man, woman sees man as less of a man
•  Men who are more financially dependent on their partner are more likely to cheat (seeking to affirm their masculinity elsewhere where they feel they are looked upon as a man)
•  Successful women may develop resentment towards their less earning partner therefore losing respect for him.

For a happy 'balance', Professor Jay Teachman of Western Washington University, who took part in the research, suggests there should be a 60:40 split in earnings.

But wait for it....... the man must be the higher earner! Go figure.

And then men wonder why women believe they are threatened by their success. The truth is, men are both threatened and ashamed; because at the end of the day, no man wants to be the man 'behind his woman'.

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Free Spirit or Just Promiscuous? A Woman Talks Of Her Lust

Poetry Corner
Published by The Duchesne

Free Spirit

They say I am a free spirit
I believe this is true
Did I give you my digits?
I might just give it to you

I do have a man at home
But damn you're attractive
He makes sure I'm never alone
Other guys are so addictive

He does everything for me
But I am in a constant battle
He loves me it's plain to see
Should I let our cage rattle?

I just can't commit right now
At the same time it's hard to cheat
I want to get out but how?
We have a child who's so sweet

Is it too late? Do I stay for the kid?
Or do I leave and be a free spirit
Start afresh and forget what I did?
But will I ever stop? Is this my habit?

Is it that I'm bad or am I just a FREE SPIRIT?

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Alcohol More Harmful Than Heroin & Crack. Why Then Is It Legal?

A Hypocritical Bureaucracy?
Published by The Duchesne

So there I was looking for strepsils in Marks & Spencer's when the headline hit me, "Alcohol more harmful than heroin, crack and cocaine says new study".

First thoughts; oh here we go again, another sensationalised headline. Seriously. If it's not one thing it's the next. They'll soon be telling us to stop eating oranges as it damages teeth enamel! Come on, get a grip people. We all know anything that is overdone can and will be harmful. It is all about moderation.

Not to bore you with statistics and facts but let's get to the headline. This came about from a research which shows that alcohol all round is more harmful than illegal drugs. The study showed that alcohol is 3 times more harmful as cocaine and concluded that if substances were classified according to the harm they do, then alcohol would be class A, along with heroin and crack cocaine. 

Having second thoughts yet about that drink you last had?  Well, the researchers will have to come a tad better than that say I. 

Like everything else in life, it's all about moderation.

I won't be giving up my bubble bath session (red wine in hand) just yet, or my barbecue picker upper! 

           

Alcohol consumption can be actually good for you as it reduces the risk of heart disease along with other diseases

The French for example, whose diet is considered to be very high in saturated fat have a notably low death rate from coronary disease. This has been put down to the high consumption of wine the French intake. Findings are the same across other Southern European countries. 

Red Wine contains resveratrol, a disease fighting,  and anti-ageing ingredient. In fact Red Wine was listed as one of the things that can make you live longer in a previous study. Studies also show that men can cut their risk of prostate cancer in half by having a glass per day.

  

What we must note,  is that the study that prompted this headline looked at the substances plus the wider harm they do to society in terms of environmental and socio-economic costs. These included health care, prison etc. The other substances were found to be the most lethal, however alcohol ranked higher for overall harm. 

The question - why is alcohol still legal if there is so much concern around the socio-economic effects? Bureaucratic  hypocrisy? 

That one is for you to ponder.

All I will say is; if you indulge in alcohol, don't start tossing out your wine, whisky, vodka or whatever just yet.  Just remember to keep it light and be responsible. Again, it's all about moderation. 

Shall we toast to that?

    

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Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid- Asteroid Threat To The Earth

How Afraid Should We Be Really?
Published by The Duchesne

As I type, Scientists and Astronauts are involved in a workshop lasting for 3 days in Germany to contemplate what countries' reactions would be if an asteroid hit earth. The conference is being held to look into plausible scenarios of an asteroid impact on our planet.

Rusty Schweickart, a former Apollo Nine Astronaut reported the threat is not limited to individual countries but is indeed global and everyone should be concerned. He is the head of the European Space Agency's comittee on Near Earth Objects (NEO's).
He was quoted as saying , "What we need to do is bring the world together, recognise that this is a global threat."

Is this happening any time soon? How scared should we be? 

And this is just a water melon!

Okay. I'm probably making light of the situation here. But really, why get all afraid and worked up about it? Maybe if I told you that we can actually do something to prevent asteroids hitting earth you would understand why I am taking it so lightly. So here it goes:

The space technology that we currently have can slightly change an asteroid's orbit that we see heading to earth up to 15-20 years ahead.

You may wonder why then are they holding a workshop meeting regarding impact threat if that's the case? 

Well these meetings are standard; plus planned and prepared as we may be, nothing can be guaranteed. Right?

We never know when a freak of nature can occur. So in the meantime, live and enjoy your life to the fullest because as far as we aware we only have one life. Please make it count as it can be snatched from us at any time without notice. 

To your health, life and happiness. Cheers!

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The Fear Of Success. Is It Possible For Those Looking For It?

Can You Fear Success If You've Never Had It? 
Published by The Duchesne

Sounds crazy right? How and why would anyone be afraid to succeed? 

Bearing in mind each definition of success will vary according to the individual, aren't we all trying to succeed?

Well the experts say it is not as simple minded as that. And even I who want to succeed may possibly be suffering from fear of success without even knowing it.

Do you find yourself doing any of these?

• Constantly thinking something is holding you back
• Feeling everything is out of control
• Knowing in yourself that you intentionally don't give 100%
• Easily find distractions to keep you from focusing on what you should be doing
• Having trouble focusing your energy very long
• Losing motivation
• Letting your confidence take a knock

Two or more of these could be a sign that you fear success according to experts.

The difference with fear of success and fear of failure is that with the latter one doesn't take the risks needed to achieve the desired outcome whereas the former is a fear of never being good enough; having too many eyes watching you to live up to the success and expectations, and ultimately never being truly happy. 

In my opinion, fear of success is very tricky and can be easily confused with fear of failure. In fact all the characteristics listed above seem to me those of fear of failure. 

I think one can only fear success once you've achieved it. It is only then the expectations and watching occurs.  Plus, isn't being concerned with the expectations, what people will say and all of that leading back to fear of failure? Fear of not living up to a standard is fear of failing is it not?

Though I am not an expert, I doubt highly that one can fear success if one has never actually experienced the negatives success can bring.

For those individuals, aspiring to not succeed isn't a fear of success, it's a choice.

As always though, I stand to be corrected. What do you think? Can one fear success whilst trying to achieve it?

Am I fearing success when I don't give my all? Or am I fearing failure by saving face, knowing I can always console myself by saying "I could have won had I given 100%?"

Questions or comments, please use the comment box or the Contact page.

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Please note Success in this article can mean anything, not just material or monetary. 

To Shave Or Not To Shave? Do Women Have A Choice? A Woman's Dilemma.

Do You Shave? Every Part?
Published by The Duchesne

Oscar and Golden Globe winner Monique makes it no secret that she doesn't shave her legs and she can constantly be spotted rocking the red carpet, out and about, and at celebrity events with her sleek unshaven legs. In fact, her decision was influenced mainly by her husband who loves body hair. My feeling is that most men don't mind bodily hair or at some point didn't mind it. When then did women start getting all this pressure to shave?  Are we shaving for ourselves? Or for men?

I grew up in Jamaica where once upon a time nothing was sexier than a woman with hairy legs. Nowadays the western ideal of  clean shaven has even infected my birth land.
There is so much pressure and expectations on women it is almost unreal to fathom that we are just feeding into everything society tells us is beautiful.

Hygienic reasons

Out of my girlfriends, I'm the only one who doesn't shave. Hygiene is the reason they claim they shave but isn't it for the sake of hygiene that women have their hairs in the first place?

Pubic and armpit hair can be likened to eyelashes as their purpose is to shield sweat and debris. By showering we keep the hair clean. 

Having bodily hair is completely natural. If hair wasn't supposed to be there then it wouldn't. Plus this is a whole double standard. It's okay for men not to shave so why is it not okay for women? 

In Europe, particularly London where I reside, you can get away with hairy arms and legs as a female. However, dare you not leave your armpit or pubic area unshaven. Of course this doesn't apply to me. I'm a non-conformist, or so I thought.

Kelly Rowland, Beyonce Knowles and Julia Roberts mocked for coming out with hairy armpits

My recent trip to Florida had me rethinking my whole stance. I trodded the streets of Tallahassee in the height of summer wearing shorts, sleeveless etc. and felt fine. No one made any comments, gave any funny stares, it was like being back in London.It was only when my cousin (male) said "Damn! Girl you don't shave? This is the US. I don't know how ya'll do it back in London but we shave here. People will think you're nasty."

His comments affected me in a way I hadn't thought it would. Maybe it was because I was out of my territory but for some reason I went to the store and bought some hair removal cream. The next day I was bald as a baby.
The funny thing was that I felt more conscious about my image than ever before. Up until I had shaved I was very comfortable in my skin. I had been meeting with high society including the Mayor of Tallahassee and no one was looking at my hairy legs. Now every time I stepped out with my shaved legs I couldn't help but wonder if they had noticed.

All my life I have been very comfortable with not shaving. I am back in the UK thus have resorted to being unshaven.
However, I wonder for how long as with my imminent migration plans to the USA, I'm pretty sure I'll have to hop on the clean shaved boat almost permanently.
Guess it's just the world we live in and again one of those things we as women are expected to do in order to be 'socially acceptable'. How sad is that?




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Nicki Minaj May Be The "Bestist", But You Can Only Date Her If You Have "The Best Tits"

Nicki Minaj Doesn't Date Guys, Girls Are More Fun.
Published by The Duchesne

There have been a lot of whispers about whether or not the self proclaimed 'bestist' female rapper and Hip Hop's hottest chic right now is a lesbian. Some say she is bisexual and others say she is heterosexual.
From my readings and gatherings, it seems Nicki has finally made clear her position in terms of sexuality.

On reading Ebony Magazine's October issue, there was an article on the fire stepper herself by Kelley L. Carter. The title read 'Getting Paid. Young Money's cash chick tells us a thing or two'.
In the article, Nicki talks about why she wears the coloured wigs, trying to keep her lyrics clean, meeting Lil Wayne, fame, mix tapes and her biggest female rap influence; which interestingly or oddly is the one and only Miss Lauryn Hill.

The juicy bit in the article for me was on what dating is like for her now, to which Nicki's response was;

"I don't date guys. I hang out with my girls. 

They're sexier, anyway, and they're more fun. 

And less needy."

Now this clearly doesn't look like someone trying to cast any doubt over her sexuality. Nicki seems to be pretty eloquent and transparent in voicing her preference.

Will that affect the Barbie's career? 

It shouldn't; considering Elton John, George Michael, Ellen Degeneres to name a few did very well regardless of sexuality.
But in the Black community where homosexuality is frowned upon, Nicki Minaj has done almost the inconceivable by making her stance so public.

The parody in this is in the words she chose and the way the sentences were structured, leaving room for interpretation.
If it should all come tumbling down, Nicki could always turn around and say:

1. She didn't say she dated girls. She only said she hung out with them. Does hanging out with girls make her gay?
2. Her thinking they're sexier and less needy than men doesn't mean she dates them.
3. Her saying she doesn't date guys, doesn't automatically mean she dates girls either.

(The art of semantics. Got to salute her PR team.)

Either way, I like the Barbie. She is undoubtedly the 'bestist' lady in the game right now. For that reason I'm sure her sexuality won't negatively impact her career.
Yet, for all the guys who had aspirations for this beauty, condolences.

After all is said and done, Nicki Minaj does have talent and I wish her the best from one sister to another as she continues to rise.

Nicki Minaj's album Pink Friday will be out  Novembe23rd. 

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The BlackBerry - More Popular Than Jesus?

It's Everywhere. It's on Everyone's Lips; But What Are Its Miracles?
Published by The Duchesne

Not since Ali shook up the world,  Hip Hop popularised the Gold teeth & Bling, and Barack ran for president; have I seen one FAD grip nations and people on the the scale the BlackBerry has. What is it about this gadget that makes plenty of us feel under par if we don't have it?

It's the first thing most pick up in the morning. Possibly the only must have on one's person throughout the day. And in true form, the last thing that gets put down at night.
The BlackBerry is arguably not the best phone on the market neither is it the most stylish. There are notable contenders such as the Samsung and Apple counterparts boasting just as much features, huger screens, etc. that are perhaps more stylish.
So what is it about the BlackBerry that is making it such a 'religion' almost?

Are we simply 'following the crowd/craze'?

Last Christmas I recieved a BlackBerry as a gift. I was most excited to join the BlackBerry clan until I opened the box. Can you say disappointed? The screen was too tiny for my liking not to mention the keys. The picture and video clarity was not commendable. Those were enough to break the deal for me. I brought it back to the shop, went through hell and high water to get it returned and chose a Samsung Jet in the end.

When I tell anyone I returned a BlackBerry for a Samsung, I am looked upon as if I have a lopsided head. Why?
Because it's unheard of. Who says 'No' to a BlackBerry?  Still, I have never been one to follow the crowd.

I love my Jet. I love the clarity, resolution, apps., screen size, everything. about it. My Jet does all the things I would have wanted the BlackBerry to do and I am happy I said no to the BB.
But I would be lying if I said that when I see everyone popping out their BlackBerries on the train, I don't get a little 'BlackBerry envy' with some part of me wanting to be a part of the crowd.

Many people would never consider trying anything other than the BlackBerry. And I will continue to be silently amused by the pride and 'pompousness' that emanates from people's eyes when they say  'I OWN A BLACKBERRY'.

Nonetheless, it's high time we see this phone for what it really is - Just another good phone and simply that. It doesn't warrant all the Reverence, surely?


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New Research Shows Brain Gets Bigger After Giving Birth

Want To Grow Your Brain?   Have A Baby Say Scientists
Published by The Duchesne

A study carried out on the brains of women 2-3 weeks after giving birth and again 3-4 months later, showed significant growth in areas of the brain.
The results were very unusual as changes in the brains of adults over such a short period only occurs if there is significant learning, brain inury etc.

Regions of the brain that showed growth included the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and judgement), the hypothalamus (responsible for metabolism regulation) and the parietal lobe (responsible for sensory).

Mothers who were very enthusiastic about motherhood showed larger brain growth as opposed to those who were less enthusiastic.
The research was carried out by The National Institute of Mental Health in Maryland, USA.

And there you have it, new mothers actually experience increased brain growth.
So for everyone who has said that a woman's brain turns to pulp after giving birth, consider yourself newly advised.


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'No Average Joe'. R&B's Ladies Man Joe Thomas

Possibly The Most Under Acknowledged R&B Artist Of Our Time
Published by The Duchesne

Joe Thomas, known to most simply as JOE was born in Georgia USA to two preachers. His love for music and the ladies has taken him to the pinnacle of his career giving him millions of fans worldwide and 11 albums.

But there is so much more to the man and so many questions as to why he feels a personal responsibility to live up to what R&B truly means.
For anyone who knows me, it will come as no surprise that my first featured music article would be about Joe.

My love affair with this artist began 10 years ago when I first heard the song entitled "I Wanna Know" from Joe's 3rd album "My Name is Joe".

BRIEF BIO.

Music was always a part of Joe's life being that he grew up in the pentecostal church. He always played the guitar, sang, or directed the churh choir.
Gospel music and artists such as Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke etc. influenced Joe as a child . This is evident in his musical style.

Shortly after finishing high school and holding down a few odd jobs plus taking gigs here and there; Joe decided to move to New Jersey where he made connections with some people in the music industry.

His demo recording led to him being signed with Zomba/Mercury records who released the hit "All The Things Your Man Won't Do'. From thereon Joe's career catapulted and the hits kept coming.

Joe spreaks highly of his parents and how his mother's strength and compassion has given him utmost respect for women which explains why his music is always about the ladies and making them feel special.

 

CAREER

Many people do not know that Joe produces and writes songs for himself as well as other artists and to date Joe has 11 albums under his belt.

Studio Albums
Everything (1993)           
All That I am (1997)        
My Name Is Joe (2000)   
Better Days (2001)           
And Then (2003)
Aint Nothin' Like Me (2007)
Joe Thomas, New Man (2008)
Signature (2009)

Christmas Albums
Make Sure You're Home For Christmas (2009)
Home Is The Essence Of Christmas (2009)

Compilation Albums
Greatest Hits, Joe Thomas (2008)
Joe Thomas, Live From Japan (2010)

Independence

In 2008, Joe left Jive Records deciding to take the independent route teaming up with long time friend Kedar of Kedar Entertainment. Joe's album New Man and Signature were released under the new label with Signature being itunes best R&B album of 2009.

Joe Thomas undoubtedly is one of R&B's greatest. With over 17 years in the business he still easily manages to stay relevant, contemporary and true to the music which is very much appreciated since the industry is so saturated with manufactured rubbish these days.

As a female, I can attest that Joe's music always makes me feel like a 'special lady' and it would be a great honour to interview the man himself someday.
For the millions of women just like myself who adore his music; he truly will always be 'THE LADIES MAN' and a gift to R&B.

A R&B Legend

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